''One up'' please!

I'll be honest, it's always the same, I promise myself not to do something and ended up doing the same or sometimes worse, i never understand myself in things of love but now the truth is: im fall in love, that means you think it all day, imagine your smile every time, laugh alone, crush with things, sleep a lot, you lower the ''melancholy?'', and sheds a tear every night before bed (it has been like this since seven days last the ''day of the year'' ''ten of ten of ten'' of these days I do not return, those very few people realize).
I don't wanted this in me, it becomes all so confusing, and I think of all those phrases that I criticized the love, relationships, and so common anymore'', although I thinking of ''I think only 40%''.''
I hate butterflies into myself, the idiocy of talking when before I said I would not, and yes! I have it more than clear: INDIFFERENCE KILLS, because I am dead, yes sir, you did it, ARE A WINNER, I'm dead, now... you could leave aside indifference? and i warn you ... i'm not a video game character, i dont have ''one ups'' that help me to back.